Teenagers
by Yellowfur
Summary: Eddy hates high school, until he decides to start up a business that would make it a little more fun for others who feel the same as he does. An energetic girl named Tomo interferes, but that soon becomes the least of his problems.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**This fic is an humor/angst sort of thing. Yes, it is a high school fic, but it's got a twist. It stars the characters of _Ed, Edd, n' Eddy_ and _Azumanga Daioh_, but there are a ton of people in supporting roles including some people from (just to name a few) _Totally Spies_, _Boom Boom Sabotage_, _X-Men Evolution_, _Detention_, _Jimmy Neutron_, _Detention_, and many others.**

**The point of views do switch sometimes, but it'll mostly be third person. It starts out in Eddy's. This is basically the first time I've ever written first person, so bear with me, okay?**

**Been a little while since I started a new Cartoon X-overs fic, huh? You people thought I had shut up for a while, huh?! Bwahaha, never! Speaking of, I'm thinking of updating _Who Wants to Stay Sane_ and _I Wouldn't Eat That You_, just when you thought your night terrors had left.**

**Ch.1**

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Hallway 3-220**

**Tuesday, October 1****st**

**8:20 A.M.**

We got separated.

I feel like a little kid. I hate little kids. But I gotta hand it to 'em, they know what they're doing when they go about whining about getting separated from their mommies. Double D is not my mommy, but the feeling kinda sucks. I'd be worried that they ditched me if they had someone better to go to.

A month or so into my sophomore year and I cannot get used to this damn uniform.

Where am I anyway? Third story, I HATE THE THIRD FUCKING FLOOR. It's the hottest. Closest to the sun, I guess. I get this horrible feeling they're trying to broil us (they being the faculty). Probably are. Can't really blame them, I'd hate us too. But yeah, it takes forever to walk up to third floor from the first, it's hottest, it's only the science rooms in this side of the third floor and I hate science. I guess it's no use standing in this hallway-hallway (you know, those weird hallways leading to different hallways).

Wow, big cluster, over by… I wonder what it is… probably a dead kid. They killed somebody. I was joking before. That'd be kind of cool, I wonder who it is. Ohhh no, just the bulletin board. Hm, _that_ girl is a seven and she's still laughing at whatever's on the bulletin board. Time to shove my way through and see what it's about.

Naked pictures. _Oh snap_. I'll admit that I spend a minute or so standing and gawking at it as other people giggle at the worst event of the high school life of whoever this is. She looks familiar, and HOT. Maybe… a cheerleader?

"Can you please jerk off in the bathroom?"

The constant giggling multiplied by three. I knew that voice. I hate Kevin. He's an asshole. Always has been, always will be. "I would, but I don't want to get the stall you already used." UGH. THAT was the best I could come up with?! I hate it when that happens! It's his fault! Not sure why, but it's Kevin's damned fault.

Yeah.

Whatever. That was my cue. I pushed my way out of the crowd, but he was the only one to push back. I stumbled a bit when I exited the crowd and almost fell flat on my face, my ankle bending awkwardly and _crap_ I think I did something to it. Now it feels painful just to walk on it. I limp a bit.

"Nice limp."

…Well, I didn't think it was_ that_ _noticeable_…

"Aw, poor Eddy. Remember, big girls don't cry!"

The giggles turned into laughs. I walked into my first period just as the bell rang. Early? That's a first. Extremely pissed off and quite embarrassed? That's not.

I throw my backpack and stupid purple blazer down. Teachers always pull me aside and give me a little now-young-man talk when I don't wear it properly but I don't care. It's not the type of thing they put on your record. Who makes a blazer that kids have to wear every day for school PURPLE anyway? And it's not just them. It's shitheads like Kevin whose sole purpose seems to be making my day more miserable. It's _high school_, why do I need even more misery?! Who in this school isn't miserable already? There isn't a single person here who wouldn't do almost anything to make their lives just a wee bit less miserable. Well, Difference Between Them and Me Number One: I'm going to do something about it. Yeah… And no, I don't mean murder, what's wrong with you?!  
Just something like it.

--

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Gymnasium**

**Tuesday, October 1st**

**9:20 A.M.**

_Why this again?_ Eddward thought as a ball whizzed by his head. If he were vocalizing his thoughts, he would be whining. But as far as he was concerned, it was justified: unless you were of decent social status, dodgeball was on the same scale as waterboarding.

He ran to the left to avoid a ball. It hit the padded wall behind him with a loud _THUNK_ – just listening to it was painful. The scampering boy looked desperately at the bleachers, where all the 'out' kids were. They could be summoned back into the game for every ball their team caught. If he timed it just right, he could get out at that perfect time when there wasn't enough time left in the game for him to be called back in.

--

Double D was fully clothed in the locker room, but touched his collarbone where the bruise should be to see how tender it was. He winced with the slight pain that came with the touch. _I should be feeling that for about four days or so._

_Lovely._

He walked towards the locker room exit. He tripped and fell because someone deliberately stuck their backpack out in front of him. Ignoring two boys' laughter, Double D quickly gathered himself up and speed-walked out of the cold, metal-and-tile room before he could be accused of being a pussy for running away from a challenge (inevitable).

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be alright," Double d slowed his pace, grateful for the familiar, friendly voice. Sam was waiting for him. He had gotten used to walking with her part of the way to their second period (they went separate ways after going down two hallways together). She was a friendly enough face to him that he walked with her every day but not quite enough that he would consider hanging out with her on the weekend – that, and he didn't have the guts to initiate anything. Maybe in a group get-together of more than four, but he didn't even have the guts to ask nor more than two other people to ask to accomplish this. Quite a crap-shoot. "How was your gym hour?"

"Girls ran laps. Again." She rolled her eyes as she slid one arm through her colorful, sporty tote.

Now Sam was not necessarily so far out of Double D's league that it was against social law for him to make a move, but she was fairly far. She had more friends than he did and admittedly was much better-looking (and was just plain _good-looking_ with long red hair, bright green eyes, a tall and fit body, and bright white teeth fixed by braces in junior high). Of course, her looks were second to the fact that Double D knew her to be very smart. She won the spelling bee last year when he got so nervous he threw up backstage and couldn't compete.

He just did not have the bravery to initiate anything – the fact that she was legitimately cute made matters worse. He had long since forgotten how they met in the first place; she was probably the first to say something.

"But running laps aren't a problem for you, correct?" He cautiously eyed her toned legs, visible under the black pleated skirt of her uniform that ended just above the knees. He turned immediately back, blushing, afraid she'd notice.

"Eh, it's just annoying. Well, see you later!" She waved and continued down the hall as Double D stopped in front of his Honors Chemistry class. She had the same class, but at a different hour. He gave a weak wave and his voice cracked on "Bye!"

He would be scolding himself for this wan goodbye for hours.

Or at least until he screwed up again.

--

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Courtyard**

**Thursday October 3****rd**

**12:05 P.M.**

Lunch was Ed's favorite part of the day. He lumbered across the cement. Ed somewhat enjoyed the feeling of the warm midday sun. It wasn't as good as many, many things, but it was still great.

And there was Eddy. Scowling, as was his usual face in the school. Ed quickened his pace to go talk with one of his two best friends. As he came closer, he saw half a purple blazer sticking out of Eddy's backpack. It was all scrunched up, as if it was violently shoved in while in a rush to get out of class.

"Eddy!" Ed knocked a boy with a blonde bowl cut out of the way by accident to get to Eddy. The boy shouted cussed at him with great volume.

"Ed, you know Kevin, right?"

Ed's brain gears squealed. "Yes… _know_ Kevin." He laughed at his own horrible pun/joke/wordplay.

"I hate that guy."

"Who now?" Double D walked up. Eddy hated a new person every day.

"Kevin." Eddy led the way to get into line at the ROTC-run snack bar. He consistently ate pizza or chips for lunch, figuring he should take advantage of his teenage metabolism while he could.

"You've always hated Kevin."

"More now. Want to do something about it."

"Such as?"

Eddy bit his lip. "Can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"One cheese slice."

"We're all out of cheese," The guy was a freshman and had a constant look sneering.

Eddy fought the urge to shout at him. "Then chips."

"What kind?"

"Regular. And a root beer."

"We're out of root beer."

"You suck!" Eddy handed him the money and stomped off.

Muscle memory led them up a frequented staircase and hallway. "Hey, Ed, we're going to swim tomorrow in gym, right?"

"…Uhhhhhh…"

"Wrong person to ask. Double D?"

"That's what the coach said, yes. Laps in the pool."

"I hate the pool. Ed, you hate the pool, right?"

Ed nodded furiously as they went down a third story hallway, passing a popular pack of well-developed girls with makeup and sickly sweet perfume. Ed didn't like bathing, so of course he was indignant whenever it came time for the typical gym uniform to be traded in for school-issue blue swim shorts.

"Give me your gym bag."

"Why?" Double D asked for Ed, crossing his arms.

Eddy kept speaking to Ed. "Because if I take your bag, you won't have to swim, and you'll get detention instead!!" He gave an open-mouthed grin.

Ed clapped his hands and guffawed. "I get to be detended!"  
They jumped up and down in glee, ignoring weird looks and the fact that Ed's swinging left arm almost bashed into a purple-haired punky girl and her pink-haired friend.

Double D watched them and fiddled with his hat, frowning.


	2. Here Come the Bombs!

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**I wish I could properly explain the first prank. It probably came out kinda weird, but I hope you get the message (not in the deep layered symbolism way. Because there is none. If you see symbolism, you're wrong. Sorry.)**

**Ta-daa, it's Tomo! I bet you're all sooooooo thrilled!**

* * *

**Ch.2**

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Pool**

**Wednesday, October 2****nd**

**12:40 P.M.**

"Eddy…"

"Yup, Coach Logan?"

"…Why are you wearing your school uniform?"

Eddy stood proud with a wide grin on his face at one end of the bright blue pool. The other boys in the class were all trying to suppress their laughs; a taller boy with messy black hair, a skinny emo kid, and a toned black boy with blonde hair. They were all wearing their swim trunks, while Eddy was clad in the school's white button down, black tie, purple blazer and black pants. The other boys standing in line laughed before their short, brawny, spiky-hair coach (nicknamed Wolverine) shot them a look.

Eddy had skipped dressing for gym to execute his plan. Ed was sitting on the bleachers, where he was banished for not dressing out, a blank smile on his face.

One row for swimming laps was not occupied.

"KEVIN! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!"

"Coming!" Kevin ran out of the locker room, a puzzled look on his face.

He tentatively stepped up to the front of the last row.

Eddy plugged his nose and grinned maniacally just as everyone else's faces screwed up in disgust.

Wolverine flinched and rubbed his stubble, trying to figure out the most graceful way to handle it – that was, until he realized, he was never one for grace. "Hey, kid…"

Kevin knew it was him being addressed. He kept steady eye contact with the deep end. "Yeah."

"How long has it been since you washed those shorts?"

"Uh…"

"Well, you ain't gonna wash 'em in the pool, bub, if that's what you thought was going to come of this."

"…" Kevin said.

It was then that Eddy decided Kevin's disbelief-derived silence was the best sound in the world.

"Go back into the locker room, do something. Shower, then change back into your clothes. Please wash those shorts before next year."

The boys laughed, their voices distorted from plugged noises. Eddy made extra sure not to laugh louder than anyone else.

"And Eddy, go sit with Ed. You're both getting detention."

Still grinning, Eddy went over to the guffawing Ed. Detention – a small price to pay. He watched Kevin turn red for the first time as he scurried into the locker room to change out of Ed's swim trunks.

Eddy plopped down beside Ed. "You can have your gym bag back after, Lumpy."

Ed laughed. "Lumpy! Like Kevin!"

"Kevin's not lumpy, he's stinky, there's a difference."

Milo was called up to take place Eddy's place in this round of laps and snickered at Eddy's joke from the sidelines. Eddy watched short little Milo get in line. Milo – totally bald except for one hair, a wonky eye, with his freaky friends and freaky family. He was one of those poor victim kids, the type everyone knows; regularly picked on, not much he could do about it. Eddy's observations on Milo ran across his mind, right alongside reliving the delight of getting revenge and pulling it off…

Eddy's eyes widened. He took out his cell phone and sent Double D's phone a text message.

**EDDY: Hey go into the auditorium bathroom after school. Need 2 tell U sumthin**

He had to wait a couple minutes to get Double D's message. Double D never used chatspeak.

**EDD: Why did you send me a message in class?! If I wasn't working on a project in architecture and all the machinery wasn't whirring at high volume, I would have gotten my phone confiscated!**

Eddy rolled his eyes and shifted his position on the uncomfortable bleachers.

**EDD: Staying after school?!**

**EDDY: Not like ur parents r ever home after school**

**EDD: Neither are yours!!**

**EDDY: Dont spaz. L8r**

Eddy shoved his phone into his pocket as if it had personally insulted him. He leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands, a pensive position. His new idea was still a newborn, but he would be launching it ASAP.

Ready, fire, aim.

--

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Drama Classroom, 5-100**

**Wednesday, October 2****nd**

**3:40 P.M.**

It had been ten minutes since the bell rang, and Tomo Takino still scurried around the drama classroom. She had come here to retrieve the script she had left behind for the scene she and her friends were doing in third hour (left behind for the third day in a row, of course). It was no fluke, by the way, that she and her five best friends all had drama at third hour and biology at fifth. This schedule took much pleading, acting, whining, bargaining, begging, and many synonyms of such in the administrations office. Schedules had been rearranged countless times, all so they could have a couple hours a day of non-lunch in-school socialization.

Tomo let out a whine as she hopped in place, scanning the empty classroom for the marked up packet. Since her friends had all left already to walk home, and Tomo walked too, she usually had no reason to hurry.

But on this fateful day (oh the cliché of coincidence!), Tomo had go to the bathroom very badly.

"AHA!" she shouted. Her messily highlighted script sat over in the bin where the teacher put left-behind papers and pencils after the day was done (where she should have looked first). Tomo ran past a couple rows of desks to get it. Her foot connected with the shelf when she reached it with a thump. She whined, bent down, and clutched her foot. After a few seconds, Tomo ran out of the classroom.

She would just go into the bathroom for the theatre. Even though no one was to use the theatre after hours, Tomo figured being a drama class student had to be some form of permission. She bolted down one side of rows of seats in the empty theatre, her frantic footsteps echoing across the empty auditorium.

Tomo burst out into the carpeted room where parents and other guests gathered before being let into the theatre for graduation, awards ceremonies, plays, and the like. She grabbed the bathroom door with ferocity, but suddenly paused. _What if a teacher hears me… can I be here? No… I should go somewhere else… I GOTTA PEE, THOUGH, AGH!! Who's gonna stop me?!... Besides… teachers you know… GOTTA GOOOOOO! _Tomo squeaked in distress. A compromise; she opened the door as quietly as she could, thanking her lucky stars it wasn't locked. Ignoring urinals, she turned to go to the stalls, but stopped short and hid behind the tiled wall when she saw three pairs of feet beneath the handicap stall.

"You're so negative." First voice.

"I'm not negative, I'm realistic." Second voice.

"I'm Ed-i-tive!" A third.

"Yes, we know you're Ed." The first again. "This is a good idea, and you know it. You want to do it, too. Think about it – you know you do."

"I don't know if you plan on taking it seriously or if this is just some sort of vigilante fantasy." Second.

"Both."

"You'll abandon the idea when it turns out to be less fantastic than you assumed."

"I wouldn't do that."

"You wouldn't?"

"Nope. I'm so serious about this. We'll make money, we'll have fun, we'll get respect, and it'll be good karma."

"Having people pay you to play pranks on other kids is hardly good karma, Eddy."

"But we're talking people who can't stick up for themselves! People who deserve to get revenge on stupid jerks who kick them around but can't do it themselves! It's a service. It's good will. And just think of the business experience you'll get, Double D."

Tomo turned and left as quickly and quietly as she could.


	3. Can't Stop, Addicted to the Shindig

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**I kind of like this chapter. You get to meet some characters that I know I've used too many times before, but as usual, couldn't resist writing those wee pals from _Tony Hawk's Boom Boom Sabotage_ again. Don't worry, they won't be main characters. They'll just pop up when needed.**

**I can relate to the feeling of passing notes and suddenly realizing, Crap, were we supposed to be DOING something? I also relate to Eddy's way of judgment, by that I mean when I meet a guy the first thing I will do is check. Him. Out. Ah ha ha ha! I'm so shallow! If you're new to me, you'll quickly find out that I'm very bitchy and black-souled BUT YOU KNOW YOU LOVE MEEEEE**

**Ch.3**

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Room 2-107**

**Thursday, October 3****rd**

**8:29 A.M.**

Seconds before the bell, Eddy walked into his World History class. About a quarter of the class hadn't even arrived yet, and the other kids were either up and about talking to friends or sitting doing unfinished homework. Their teacher, young and pretty Ms. Foster (who some kids had already gotten used to calling Frankie), was always a few minutes late. Being a general favorite among students for actually treating them like people didn't prevent her from falling prey to the students making their theories public – "She has to change her sheets again. This time Mr. Garrison caused the _mess_!" Frankie should be happy; they were treating her the way they all treated each other. Ultimate sign of acceptance!

Eddy threw his backpack and blazer (neither of which were usually on his body like they should be) on his desk. He jumped into his seat and whipped out his homework, which was only half-finished. _Damn those Comedy Central specials_.

But he was slightly distracted when Tomo Takino came and stood in front of his desk, crossing her arms. He elected to ignore her until she went away, but she would not be ignored.

"Stop doing homework! I'm trying to get your attention!" She whipped his homework into the air by sweeping her arm across his desk.

"HEY!" Eddy shot out and grabbed it. He almost fell doing so, cursing his height (or lack thereof). "What the hell!"

"I have something to talk to you about it!"

Eddy blinked. "… WOW, REALLY? I WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT."

She stared at him with a determined glare.

He looked around and then waved his arms in a way to say 'keep going'. "…And? You want to talk to me about…?"

"It's a secret."

Eddy paused and blinked some more, wondering who had the nerve to play such a weird trick on him, and what the hell kind of trick _was_ this anyway? "Okay then."

"Don't you know what I'm talking about?"

"… Do I LOOK like I know what you're talking about?"

Tomo's glare was still present.

"Oh, wow! Late again! I'm sorry, guys!" Frankie came in with her arms full of a laptop messenger bag, plastic bag for lunch, attendance folder, stack of papers, and Buzz Fill coffee cup.

Kids scurried about to get to their seat. The dull roar that was their talking was silenced. Tomo thrust a note out towards Eddy and stomped down the row of desks, only to remember that her desk was right in front of Eddy's and come stomping back.

Frankie ordered them to pass their homework up, which Eddy obeyed despite it being half-finished. He had a 79 in the class, which he considered pretty damn impressive for a class which he didn't have with Double D. As Frankie took attendance and two girls near Eddy discussed boys (he wished his name would pop up every once in a while), Eddy opened the note.

_I heard about your plan. Revenge on evildoers bla bla. Sounds good. Ill help._

Eddy's heartbeat quickened and his stomach lurched. He scribbled out an answer. _I have no idea what the hell you're talking about_

He tapped her shoulder with the note, she reached up and took it, read it, wrote out her own answer without so much as a second thought. _You sure say hell a lot._

Frankie was telling them to get out their notes for an unfinished video. Eddy got out his unorganized folder for the class but did no more to get out the notes. _Easy,_ _I'm there_

_Don't be so overdramatic! You're not in hell! Cause Im here to help!_

_Help w/ wat?? I dont no wat youre talkin bout _To keep things going at a good pace, he transitioned to chatspeak.

_STOP _

_STOP WAT?!_

_PRETENDING YOU DON'T KNOW. :( I HEARD YOU IN THE BATHROOM YESTERDAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS. YOU WANT TO START A BUSINESS FOR GETTING REVENGE. SOUNDS LIKE A COMIC OR A FANFICTION. I WANT IN!!_

Eddy's thoughts doubled in speed looking at her messy, angry handwriting. Thoughts of general panic of getting caught and having to give up such a brilliant plan mingled with him thinking that the little angry face doodle was a nice touch. _Fine. Come at lunch. We'll give you details._

_Where do you eat?_

_Mr. Kakashi's classroom_

_Why?_

_Because we like to. Where do you eat? _By now ten minutes of the video had passed and most people had double the notes Tomo and Eddy did.

_We eat outside_

_Nice details_

_With Kagura Yomi Osaka Chiyo-chan and Sakaki. Is there enough room in your classroom for all of us?_

Eddy bit his lip. _They don't need to come in_

_Yes they do_

_Why?!_

_Because they're part of it too_

Eddy leaned forward now, applying pressure and writing hard and fast. His handwriting was bold and messy. _NO THEY'RE NOT! You can be involved but don't let your friends know about this!_

_Too late. We'll see you at lunch._

Eddy just sat and stared at the note, pen on his desk, wondering how such a good idea fell apart so fast. Tomo turned her attention to the video for all of three minutes before realizing she had no writing utensil, and turned around and quickly grabbed Eddy's before he could notice.

--

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Building 4, Room 3-210**

**Thursday, October 3rd**

**12:10 P.M.**

"Oh, I can't believe she was just eavesdropping on us and we didn't detect it all!" Double D put his fingers to the spot between his eyebrows. "I had a nagging feeling that this wild scheme of yours was big enough that we would need more than the three of us, but I…"

"But you what?" Eddy's blazer was on a desk in the corner farthest away from them.

"But truthfully, I was just hoping you'd drop it when you realized that," Double D sighed and crossed his arms, settling into a plastic chair. "I didn't think you'd actually let other people join in on it."

"Look, this is a _good idea_, okay? I couldn't just let it go to waste just 'cause some crazy girl found out and told her BFFs. I'm serious about this thing. Why do you think I spent so much time convincing you to do it?"

"I had just assumed you wanted to win the discussion."

"… Well, yeah, but-"

"A remote!" Ed's blazer was hanging from a rusty shower off to one side of the classroom. "What does this button do?" He pressed a button. The TV came on. "Ooooh." He looked at the blue screen intently, waiting for it to do something. Something _momentous._

The shower, as well as the large black desks with sinks made to accommodate four people were part of the general décor. Due to poor planning, this former science lab was given to the 10th grade Honors English teacher Mr. Kakashi. The teacher, about in his thirties, was a favorite, but not as widely liked as Frankie. He only liked his quieter, not as annoying kids. He wore some sort of weird face mask that covered everything but his one eye (naturally causing widespread and outrageous myths, all of which he claimed to be true) and had wilder gray hair than many kids in the school. He let Double D, one of his favorite students, bring his friends to eat in his classroom. He wasn't even there half the time, and when he was, he was able to read his book despite their chatter.

"Look, maybe this won't be that bad?" Eddy hated that it came out like a question. "It won't be that bad. Maybe they'll be able to help."

Double D sighed and nodded slowly. "Maybe, no, they probably have skills we're lacking. Besides, who knows when a little of the so-called feminine wiles will come in handy."

"Wiles!" Ed snickered at the word, but kept his eyes on the TV.

"I'm still unsure," Looking tired, Double D crossed his arms and put them on the desk, resting his head on them. His hat flopped over his skinny, pale arms.

"Well, get over it. You already agreed to it."

"There are _flaws_, Eddy. Very obvious, serious flaws."

"Flaws my ass."

"Flaws can be decisive."

"Flaws will be flaws. Everything has flaws. You have flaws. I have flaws – only a couple. Ed has flaws. Mr. Kakashi presumably has flaws. This room has flaws. Flaws have flaws. And _those_ flaws have flaws."

"What flaws have what flaws?" A female voice asked them.

Eddy looked up. "Uhm."

"I sure did hear that word a lot," It wasn't Tomo.

"HI!" Ed shouted.

"Hi!" She smiled at Ed.

"HI!"

"…Hi…" Kit put her black messenger bag and skateboard down on a desk, the latter of which probably shouldn't be up there.

"What are you doing here?" Eddy asked quietly.

One of four other people who had walked in with her answered. "We eat here, like you, like we have for the past month or so." Kud just dropped his stuff near the door. He didn't care enough to get it out of the way, or wear a blazer or tie, which Eddy wished he had the pure insolence to do. He was also taller and older than Eddy (a SENIOR! Eddy knew a senior! _Cred_!).

"We're not gonna find a new spot!" Jesse exclaimed. "This is where we put all our stuff!" He threw his bag into the closet where books and a decade-old projector machine were kept. Something crashed, he was uncaring.

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE." Eddy shout-snapped. Kit and Kud he liked, but the last three, Jesse, Sage, and Mitch, he held no respect for. Kit was likable and kind of cute, and Kud was a senior (DAMN!) but Mitch was an annoying racially confused guy who always had his videogames' volume turned way up, Jesse didn't even go to their school, and Sage was too quiet and … reasonable for Eddy's tastes. Also he was a trivia buff, which was a skill Eddy knew was only very rarely profitable. They all skateboarded and violated the dress code. They were all kind of cooler than Eddy was. He resented them for this in secret but didn't really have any problem with them, other than that they were louder than the Eds were in Kakashi's classroom at lunch. "We're not talking about anything that involves you people. Go talk about Tony Hawk in the corner or something."

Sage made a show of taking a seat next to Eddy, making it screech loudly on the floor as he pulled it out and leaned back to cross his legs when he sat down. "Did you know that Tony hawk co-produces animated movies?"

"Shut up."

"I'M HERE!!" The door flew open and nearly cracked against the wall.

"BWAH!" Double D fell out of his seat.

"HEY!" Tomo shouted and jumped further inside, pointing at Kit and the others. "I didn't know they were part of this! You didn't tell me!"

"No, no, no, listen, they –"

"Were you invited?!" Tomo demanded to know.

"We don't have to be!" Kit protested, putting her hands on her hips, where her tie had somehow found a more comfortable place than her neck. "Kakashi's my teacher too."

"So you're an agent?"

"Yeah, James Bond!" Jesse shouted at Tomo.

"No!" Eddy protested.

"YES!" Ed couldn't stand not being involved.

Double D sighed.

"Maybe we're double agents!" Sage said. "I wonder what for."

Tomo gasped.

"Double flipkick, inverted nose manual…" Mitch went off into a chain of skateboarding terms as his thumbs went into overtime on his constantly present handheld game. "Three-sixty…Ferret Fight… HIGH SCORE… COME ON!"

"BE SERIOUS AND PAY ATTENTION!" Tomo hit it out of his hand.

--

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Courtyard**

**Thursday, October 3****rd**

**12:17 P.M.**

"It's your fault we're out here and now we have to talk fast!" Eddy said, plopping down on the grass under one of the many trees on the edge of the courtyard. The school was west of small woods, which was where many kids liked to go to when they cut class, often to smoke weed and leave beer and soda bottles in the trees.

"We have plenty of time," Tomo said. She stood with her arms crossed.

"Thirteen minutes," Double D checked his watch.

"I've gotten things done in fifteen!"

"Let's make with the talking!" Eddy pretended to be shuffling papers in his backpack to give the illusion of having something prepared for his new workers to look at. In the meantime, he looked at them.

Looks-wise, Eddy didn't think Tomo was anything special. Black shoulder-length spiky hair, eyes that always seemed to be open to their widest, decent body with slightly small breasts. Ordinary face. But he knew she was loud and annoying, and this was something only a girl who could at least be described as 'pretty hot' could fix.

Like the next girl, Kagura, sitting looking somewhat bored with her blazer tossed across her backpack. Eddy thought she had a great body and a decently good face. Spiky, short hair, a well-defined tan. Kagura was easy on the eyes but she was no match for…

_Sakaki_. Oh, the many minutes Eddy spent watching the girl in his computer class that should have been spent doing PowerPoints! Now she sat under the birch tree in the courtyard, legs crossed with her satchel over them. Eddy didn't know any perfect tens, but was pretty sure that Sakaki was as close as they came. She was tall, even taller than Ed was, with a large bust and long, thick black hair. Her face wasn't bad, either. Eddy also knew that he had never heard her say even one word, which was fine with him.

Then there was Chiyo, who sat with a content smile on her face. Eddy couldn't fairly grade Chiyo, because she was… about ten years old. He was a greedy asshole, not a pervert.

Osaka really didn't do it for Eddy. Ordinary face with a chest as flat as a board. He had one class with her but had forgotten what it was. She seemed to be tuning out of their conversation and watching a falling leaf hit the ground (and then watched it stay there).

Yomi was decent, too. She had an okay body and medium-sized breasts. Normally, however, Eddy wasn't too into glasses. He didn't know anything about Yomi but she appeared to be coaxing Tomo into a slightly less hyper mode, AKA close to normality.

--

Double D reached into his backpack and immediately whipped out a paper without having to search for it. "Ladies, I apologize for not having copies, but I will for our next meeting. If you'll take a look at this paper I did on the Microsoft Publisher program, it gives a summary of our business and-"

"Thanks!" Tomo snatched it and the girls crowded around her. Double D observed them.

Double D had no classes with Tomo Takino but it appeared to him that she was very energetic and enthusiastic. He hadn't met anyone so stubborn and nosey since… Eddy.

Chiyo Mihama was in some of Double D's classes. He knew her to be a very nice and polite girl, as well as a prodigy. He was quite impressed that she made it into his AP Psychology class despite her young age, and he enjoyed checking her homework and tests because her free response questions were always nicely written and innovative.

Koyomi Mizuhara was in Double D's Advanced English class. He didn't know much about Yomi, only that she was the only one to laugh at a reference he made to _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ in ninth grade, and he and Yomi were known to chat every once in a while. She seemed intelligent with a good head on her shoulders. Double D liked Yomi.

Ayumu Kasuga he noticed was being frequently called Osaka. Double D had no classes with her and had no information on her. She recognized Ed and nearly wandered off from their group when they went down to the courtyard.

Sakaki had Sam's P.E. class and he had heard from her that Sakaki was a natural athlete. Double D noticed he hadn't heard Sakaki say a single word. Which was fine, by the way, just a little odd, at least compared to Tomo, who hadn't stopped talking since he met her.

Kagura was in Double D's group in cooking class. She had struck up conversation with Double D a few times, and through these conversations he learned she was on the swim team, wanted a dirt bike, was doing quite poorly in most of her classes (including cooking), and thought his hat was majorly cool. She seemed like a nice girl.

--

Ed had done what he needed to tell anything he will ever need to know about these girls.

Tomo smelled like laundry detergent and conditioner (a bit too strongly - maybe she hadn't taken the time to fully wash them out.)

Chiyo smelled like chicken broth and baby powder.

Yomi smelled faintly like some floral perfume, but she did not use much.

Osaka smelled like hand soap and dust.

Sakaki smelled a little like some sickly sweet, strawberry-scented, sugary body product.

Kagura smelled like pineapple, nail polish and pools.

--

"So that's all this is?" Kagura asked. "Just a summary? No prices, no elaborate revenge plans, no snazzy text?"

"Um, that's it, for today," Double D said.

Eddy was playing something on his cell phone.

"But there's only one anyway. Are you gonna get more?" Osaka asked.

"Yes. We're going to flesh out our plans. We are going to make them more detailed. And we will alert you when we do. Right, Eddy?"

Eddy didn't respond. He only looked up when the bell rang. "Oh, darn. We have to leave." He said this with just a little bit of effort to sounding sincere, but pretty much failed. "I'll, like, contact the rest of you later." And on that note, he hurried off, leaving the girls, not sure if he had their phone numbers and not really caring.


	4. Open Up or It'll Rot Your Soul

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters used within.**

**Now things start to get rolling a bit plot-wise.**

**The menu was a lot of fun to make. I'm actually rather fond of this chapter in general for some reason... but the second scene feels unfinished.**

**I realized there's also a shitload of bold. **

**...**

**Ch. 4**

**VASQUEZ PLAZA**

**Comic Book Shop**

**Friday, October 4****th**

**4:07 P.M.**

"This is perfect," Eddy admired the "menu" Double D made in Microsoft Publisher the night before with instructions from him for ideas for pranks. Double D also helped him gauge the prices. The first place they were putting the menu for potential customers was the comics shop in Vasquez Plaza, the Eds' favorite place in the city. The small collection of shops was known for only having "specialty" shops that mostly sold weird doodads and junk.

**REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED NOW**

**Got somebody who just won't step off? Scared to stand up for yourself or just don't know how? We have your solution! For a reasonable fee, let us do the dirty work while you sit back and enjoy the show! **

**HERE'S THE MENU:**

**Chef's Special (unique, specialized rumor) – 15.00**

**Lemonade (pee in their locker) – 8.00**

**Water, in a glass or in the bottle (balloons or bucket) – 8.00**

**Goat Cheese Pizza (goat shit in the face) – 25.00**

**Garbage Can Nachos – fill their backpack or locker with reputation-ruining little objects dripping with humiliation opportunities! - 25-50.00 (Discuss specifics with server)**

**Seven Layer Dip – blindfolded, kidnapped, thrown off diving board into pool! Fun and trauma in every part! - 30.00**

**Egg Salad – egg their house. A teenage classic! – 25.00**

**Tossed Salad – shred homework, notes, and other paper belongings, return to where they found it. - 12.00 Dioramas, binders 0.75 extra. **

**Sloppy Joe – skateboard under the target's feet while they carry tray of food. 7.00**

**Just Desserts – You tell us what they did and we'll make a punishment to fit the crime! And we'll fit a pie in there somewhere. Prices vary.**

_**Cash only.**_

Eddy's cell phone number was at the bottom. He was about to comment again, but Double D said, "Yes, it's decent for my first time doing menus in that program. Do you like the border?"

Eddy ignored him. He looked over his shoulder to see the obese man behind the desk at the comic book shop studying some glossy, new comic he had with disgust. Just in case, Eddy stepped out of his view behind a rack of colorful superhero posters and tacked their advertisement to his holey bulletin board, which had a few ads for anime conventions and a new arcade.

"We should put this somewhere else," Eddy said. "Like the library or the video game store or other, you know…"

"Stereotypically 'nerdy' locales?"

"Yeah, and then wait for them to take the bait. Since it's the weekend, we can do the prank on Monday."

"I doubt it would happen so quickly."

"How do I not become emo just by hanging around you?"

--

**5443** **PEACH CREEK CIRCLE**

**Eddy's Room**

**Saturday, October 5****th**

**9:40 A.M.**

"Ugh, what the hell?!" Eddy fumbled for his cell phone on his end table. The black curtains he had lifted from his brother's room after he departed did a good job of keeping out midmorning light. He finally found his mobile and turned off the Red Hot Chili Peppers ringtone that had woken him up. It was an unfamiliar number. He answered. "Hello?"

"Hi…" the nasally voice said. "Is this the number that posted the ad in the comic book shop for, uh, this?"

"Oh… oh yeah! Yeah, that's me. I mean us. You want to do business with us?"

"Yeah, I'd be interested."

"Cool! Okay, hang on one sec." Eddy got up and opened his curtains, cringed at the light for a full six seconds, then began looking around or a notepad. He found some of his brother's customized stationary (also lifted). He grabbed a cheap black pen – that had no ink. Cue swearing and rummaging around for another pen. Finally, one had ink. "Explain your case to me."

"Well, there's this guy, Francis. He keeps pushing me around, shoving me into lockers and stuff. He does it to other people, too. But he's bigger than us. That's why we don't do anything. And I'm sick of it! I wish he could see how it feels to be humiliated! I don't even need to do it myself. I just want to see it happen."

"That's why you called us! Now, I'll ask you some questions if you don't mind. Name, please?"

"Timmy Turner."

Eddy then asked him a string of questions he had rehearsed in his mind a bit and eventually got Timmy's contact information, more info on Francis, and Timmy's order. He gave Timmy a place to meet him on Monday as he doodled an unhappy-looking stick figure jumping onto a fat guy's head on the piece of paper.

--

**5331 PEACH CREEK CIRCLE**

**Foyer**

**Saturday, October 5****th**

**10:12 A.M.**

"Is Ed here?" Eddy let himself in to Double D's neat two-story.

"Yes, in the kitchen. Would you like something to eat or drink?" Double D asked politely, his words ignored as Eddy made his way into the kitchen. Double D followed. "So, you wanted to talk to us about the business?"

"Yup!" Eddy brandished the post-it holding all the information about Timmy on it. "First customer: Timmy Turner. Has ordered a glass of Lemonade. Will pay us on Monday before we do the prank in the third story, third hallway bathroom. The victim is that freaky gray kid Francis." He opened Double D's refrigerator. Inside were neatly saran-wrapped leftovers, a notable amount of bean products, and an open box of baking soda. Eddy grabbed a fruit-flavored Jones Soda. "I thought you were into diet sodas." He handed one each to Double D and Ed as he sat down.

"I was, but after carefully analyzing the ingredients, I've come to the temporary conclusion that for long term, the artificial sweeteners in the diet soda maybe more harmful than the regular ones in this particular brand, which opts for more pure sugars." He opened it. "And I just don't like the taste of the fake ones."

"Careful, you almost sounded normal there."

"…I'm sure you fancy yourself hilarious."

Ed snickered. "He sounded _horn_al there."

Eddy laughed out loud. "Get the camera. It's Ed's first attempt at a sex joke."

Ed looked at him, puzzled. "What? Nooo."

"Have you told the girls about this yet?" Double D asked.

Eddy stopped mid-sip. "Huh? Who?"

"Tomo and her friends."

"_Oh_. Oh. No."

"You have their contact information."

"I don't waaaannnnt toooooo."

"They're already involved, Eddy, there's no turning back now. Besides, I thought we already discussed this. You may as well include them; they may surprise you and be quite beneficial to have around."

"Yehhhh," Eddy sighed and got up to leave. "I have to go have breakfast. Sockhead, I know you've eaten a nice square meal by now. Lumpy, you eat yet?"

Ed shook his head. "I ate… some pillow this morning."

"Come to my place, I'll give you some Chunky Puffs."

Double D stood up as well and went to stand in front of his pantry. "Wait! You can stay here. I have cereal."

"You probably have bran crap, and I know you've got lowfat or no-fat or some kind of weird yuppie milk. We're going to my place, where you can gain a pound per glass, thank you very much."

"I can make you eggs. I have eggs."

"Eggs suck. Later."

They left.

And Double D was alone.

"Ehhh…" he sighed and looked around the kitchen. He had done his dishes and wasn't hungry. There was little weekend homework, which he had of course gotten out of the way Friday. His parents worked late hours throughout the week. His father worked part of Saturday, and his mother worked all of Saturday. They often did various adult recreational things on Sunday, leaving him alone again. He had a hunch they assumed he was occupied by his friends. Which, to be fair, he was, but on quiet mornings like this, he often wondered when was the last time they did something together as a family.

He sat at the table, folded his hands, and pondered it.

Oh, Christmas!

That's not so long ago!

* * *


	5. With Thanks to My Chemical Romance

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**This chapter has some mature themes (if you can call any part of this chapter _mature_). But if you're reading this and you don't know some terms used in this chapter, theeeennn... uhm, welcome to sex ed. **

**I hate it when teachers interefere with stuff by doing "teacher stuff". :( So annoying.**

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Courtyard**

**Monday, October 7th**

**3:59 P.M.**

A small chain of Eds scurried across the empty campus toward the gym and locker room. Eddy kept up the trend of leading, Double D in second wore a nervous face, and blissfully oblivious Ed lumbered in last.

It had come to Eddy's attention, retrieved from Timmy and written down on a post-it pad in his pocket, that right now Francis was in practice for some sport. Eddy had forgotten what sport. _Some cliché idiot kid sport. _

It had also crossed Eddy's mind briefly that maybe he should be waiting for that Tomo girl or something. He had remembered a most interesting conversation they had that morning, that Double D had left Eddy to handle alone in some very rare absence of common sense on Double D's part. Eddy managed to avoid giving Tomo any real answers, be they regarding when they were supposed to meet up, where, or who was meeting up. Eddy accomplished this by giving a lot of looks and noises that were answers that could be perceived as anything, and exuded a general aura of really having something better to do and not paying attention. Tomo didn't talk to him about it for the rest of the day. He was surprised that Tomo wasn't loud and annoying about it, but he wasn't surprised he succeeded – he had tons of practice not giving a crap with his parents and brother.

Eddy stopped in front of the locker room, crouching against the wall like a spy. Double D did a less exaggerated version of this action, and Ed's had twice as much feeling. Eddy motioned for them to be quiet, enjoying the stealthy act. He turned to go in, but came face to face with two purple blazers and stumbled backwards.

"Hi!" Osaka waved.

"Hi!" Ed said.

Eddy gaped, but then caught himself. "What are you doing here?"

"We're helping you with the prank!!" Tomo stated with flair.

"But… we're going in the guys' locker room."

"It's right there," Osaka said.

"Yeah, but, what I'm trying to say is-"

"LET'S DO IT!" Tomo threw open the door.

"Stop!" Eddy jumped in front of her. "You have to be quiet! We can't get caught – that's an important part of this whole business. Why are you here anyway? I thought we agreed you wouldn't be working on this prank."

"No!" Tomo shook her head. Her spiky black locks bounced, imitating the rest of her. "YOU agreed to that! You didn't pay attention to what I said! So I decided to do you a favor and show up!"

"Gee, great favor. Thanks. You'll just be annoying, go away."

"You'll love me once you get to know me!" Tomo led the way inside.

Eddy let the two girls go into the locker room. He ignored Double D's accusing eyes on the back of his head.

"I thought you said you took care of them."

"I did, but she… un-took." He followed her.

"Now what are we doing?"

Eddy took out his trusty post-it note. "You're not doing anything. You can't do this prank right – it's a guy thing." He stopped next to the showers. "Here's his locker." Eddy unzipped his pants.

Tomo gave him a disgusted look. "Are you going to masturbate in his locker?"

"WHAT? No! I'm going to piss in it! That's the prank – we pee all over his stuff."

"It's very mature," Double D murmured.

"What can we do to help?" Osaka asked. Then she laughed. "I mean, besides the obvious. I'm not going there."

Eddy ignored her. He was only reasonably sure that he knew what she meant, but decided not to ask for clarification. "Go stand guard."

Tomo looked around the side, then scrambled back to Eddy. "There are teachers coming in!!"

Eddy zipped back up. "But practice isn't supposed to be over until four thirty!"

"I don't know! Maybe they're coming in to do teacher stuff!"

Eddy grabbed Double D and Ed. "Into the showers!" He shoved them in.

"What about us?!" Tomo asked.

"What about the prank?" Osaka asked.

"Screw the prank! Hide!"

Tomo squealed in panic. She whipped around in circles, looking for a place to hide. Meanwhile, Osaka climbed into Francis's locker.

The coaches, one male and one female, were still in their office, talking loudly. Eddy hissed to the girls, "What are you DOING? HIDE!"

Tomo dived behind a garbage can.

"OSAKA!" Eddy turned his head around the wall.

"This is uncomfortable!" Eddy saw Osaka, standing in the locker and on top of a bunch of books, peeing on his stuff.

Eddy gasped in shock before jumping back into the showers. He sat on the ground and laughed as silently as he could.

"Is someone in here?" The female coach, a tough, spiky-haired woman named Anko stepped into the inner locker room.

Osaka appeared behind her from the locker (having somehow cleaned herself up a bit) with her innocent smile. "Hi!"

Anko didn't jump. "Osaka. What the hell are you doing here? It's kinda late and you're in the guys' locker room."

"I got lost."

Anko sighed. "I actually believe you."

Osaka nodded.

"Get out of here before the guys come in."

"Okay," Osaka strolled out.

Tomo ran off after her. "I got lost, too!!"

Anko looked like she might have said something, but waved her hand in the air and went back into the office.

The Eds sat in the shower stall, waiting for the teachers to stop chatting and leave. Eddy was still smiling.

Double D crossed his arms over his white button-down and tie. "Is it still a guy thing?"

"The peeing or the pranking?"

"Hm, both."

"Hey Lumpy, you wanna work with girls?"

"My dad said use protection, Eddy."


	6. The Feeling

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters used within.**

**This chapter's kinda short. It'll give you some more insight on some of the characters' family lives. I like to do that.** **I also really like creating backgrounds and stuff for characters that aren't really given one in their canon. **

**By the way, if you ever can't remember what items are what in the "menu", you can always look it up again in chapter 4, or I might try to fudge my way into plugging it in again in a future chapter in case you're caught with a menu item (like this chapter) that you don't remember and you don't feel like going to look it up (sounds exactly like what would happen to me). **

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Vending Machines near the Gym**

**Thursday, October 10****th**

**12:07 P.M.**

Tomo stood like a bodyguard, her back to the crowd, next to Eddy and Jimmy, who faced each other. Eddy tapped the small reporter's notebook he had traded the post-it pad in for. Jimmy Neutron was a boy mostly from Double D's classes, which Eddy took to mean he was a nerd – and he was right. "Let me read this back to you to make sure I got it right…" Eddy leaned against the side of a Poop Cola vending machine. It was the only vending machine people very rarely used. The machine was also in the only cemented part of the courtyard that was relatively unpopulated, but not empty enough that they would be noticeable. His voice was somewhat hushed, a real switch for him. "Cindy Vortex. One order of Tossed Salad. Crime: a constant teasing of you and your nerdiness due to jealousy. Retribution to take place during the fourth hour AP Psychology class you share with her tomorrow."

"That's correct," Jimmy was being very professional about it, but was not alone. Eddy was thankful that Double D and Tomo insisted they make their business more professional and rehearsed over the past couple of days so they would be ready for any new customers (Double D insisted they be more professional, Tomo insisted they do it immediately). Eddy never would have predicted that he would have two customers within a week of each other, let alone so early on.

"Sign this," Eddy presented Jimmy with a Xerox.

Jimmy made sure to read it. It was a document that made Jimmy responsible for two things: one, that he give them the second half of their payment after the prank (ever since Double D decided they should do half up front and half afterwards) and two, that he does not reveal the specific identities of those he is doing business with, taking special care not to do so to those stereotypically perceived as "causes". Failure to follow these terms would result in leaving them open to attacks on their reputation by the very corporation they were trying to do business with – and that was their job.

Jimmy was taking a little too long for Tomo. "Sign it, punk!"

Jimmy didn't even look her way. He finished up reading it and signed it.

Eddy gave him a toothy grin. "Thanks for doing business with us."

"No, thank _you_," And on that note, their second customer was gone.

----------

**5443 PEACH CREEK CIRCLE**

**Eddy's Room**

**Thursday, October 10th**

**4:32 P.M. **

Ever the impatient boy, Eddy tapped his foot as he waited for Kagura to answer. Third ring was the charm – "Hello?"

"Kagura! It's Eddy."

"Oh! You're calling ME? I thought you were supposed to call Yomi, then Chiyo, then Tomo, THEN me! At least I'm before Osaka, right?" She sounded pleasantly surprised, and a little winded, as if she had been doing some exercises before she answered. Not that the spiky-haired girl needed any more exercise, Eddy knew, but jocks would be jocks.

"Yeah, but I need you for something. Your dad is a business man, right?" Eddy sat on his circular purple bed, hoping everything in the conversation, and in life, would go his way. "Does he work at home or in an office?"

"He's got his own little office. He thinks it's important to work at home. Ever since my mom's been trying to get sole custody, even though I never see her, my dad keeps doing things like that to 'bond'-" There was a smack, then Kagura came back on. "Sorry. I tried to do air quotes and dropped the phone. Heh… anyways, yeah, he's always home for work, except when he's picking up women at the bar when he thinks I'm not home." A beat, then, "Why?"

Eddy's mouth was open in preparation to say something, but all that came out was "…Uh." Eddy knew how to plow his way out of awkward moments in conversations, but not on the phone as much. Something in his mind said that if he were Double D, he would feel sorry for everything Kagura said, and say it. Good thing he wasn't Double D – at least he didn't have to say so. "Right. So, your dad has paper shredders and stuff?"

"Yeah."

Eddy gave the binder he had stolen from Cindy Vortex a good pat. "I need to come over to your house soon for a favor. It's for a customer."

---

**BONKURA APARTMENTS**

**Suite 9**

**Thursday, October 10****th**

**4:50 P.M.**

It didn't take Eddy long to find Kagura's apartment. It was a fairly nice place but was probably less spacious than it seemed just due to the absence of décor and furniture – only essentials, nothing frivolous, save for some shiny swimming trophies of Kagura's, taking up an entire shelf on the bookcase.

"Welcome to mi casa!" Kagura said. She had let Eddy close the door behind him.

Eddy clutched the binder, which was very neatly organized. Such a shame, really. "Where's the office?"

"Follow me!" wasn't much of an order, since Kagura led Eddy all of the four feet to a small hallway, with one door on one side and two on the other. She opened one of the doors, leading way into a tiny office making the most of its space. It smelled like hot paper. "That's the shredder. Don't touch the computer."

Eddy gave a quiet evil laugh, relishing putting Cindy's A+ papers, one by one, through the shredder. "Where's your dad anyway?"

Kagura was swiveling around, doing small stretches just because she had nothing else to do but twitch around and watch Eddy. "Bar. Women. You know the drill."

"Only with my brother."

"How old's your brother?"

"He independent. For a couple years now I guess."

Eddy didn't see Kagura's mouth drop. "Huh! And your parents just let him go to bars?!"

Eddy snorted. "Sure didn't."

Kagura stopped moving and comprehended this with the speed of a drunkard. "Oh." Pause. "So he would sneak out and drink." She shrugged. "Well, so do I. So do a lot of people. That's normal. Do you?"

Eddy hesitated before admitting, "Nah. I mean, I took one of my dad's beers once. It sucked. And he noticed." All the paper was gone. He opened the top of the machine's waste bin.

"Then what?"

"I blamed my brother."

"Oh! Then what?!"

Eddy laughed, but it came out more bitter than he intended. "They believed it."

Kagura looked down, thought it over, then laughed. But she stopped. "What are you doing there?" She bent over slightly, so she was Eddy's height.

Eddy had put the bits of paper neatly back into the binder. It didn't look different from the outside. "Now we just return this to its rightful owner."

Kagura laughed again. "Ouch! We gonna get paid for this?"

"That's the first thing I always think of," Eddy smiled and made his way to the door. "Thank you for use of your shredder." Kagura was going to say something, but Eddy slammed the door and darted down the hall. His parents were probably expecting him home, not that he gave a shit, and that afternoon he had heard more about Kagura – and himself - than he ever wanted know.


	7. Can't Work The Hatredcopter

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**For some reason, I've decided to spell some things out for you right now instead of leaving it vague, foreshawdowish, and annoying like I normally would like. _Technically_, you see someone from Eddy's past today. You'll get bits of that in future chapters until I decide it's time for it to take the spotlight. Oh wait... that was totally vague, foreshadowish, and annoying. Sorry! Anyways, I'll bet you... I dunno... I'll bet you a chapter preview that you can't figure out who I've made Eddy's brother until I formally introduce him.**

**I enjoy writing for Double D.**

**I don't like the first scene... or the last one... look at how many times the POV changes... ooogh. **

**---**

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Room 2-115**

**Friday, October 11****th**

**11:10 A.M.**

Double D padded across the half-empty classroom. With his usual care, he placed his backpack on the ground. He had noticed that recently many kids including Eddy were using messenger bags, but those were known to cause shoulder problems, which Double D already had, so he figured he wouldn't want to add to it. Though it wouldn't hurt to follow some trends… it may make him seem just a little less nerdy. But Double D figured it was futile at this point.

His seat was on the far left of the front row, which (despite what you may think) was not a seat he picked, though front row was preferable for him. It was also next to the window, not that Double D ever made use of it.

"Hi, Double D!" Chiyo sat two seats behind him. She was standing to greet him.

"Hello, Chiyo," He forced a smile but honestly, he wasn't in the mood for this kind of thing. _We don't know how horribly this plan could fail. We could get caught, and then it would go on our transcripts. I haven't even been heavily involved. Yet I'm branded. Or I suppose it could go well._

Chiyo nudged him with her puny elbow. "Have a good class!" She winked and gave an even wider grin, clearly taking childish enjoyment out of being in on the joke. She and her pigtails bounced back to their seat. Double D didn't think much about cuteness, but figured Chiyo was the cutest person he was familiar with.

Double D sat his shaky self down, just in time to see Cindy Vortex confidently stride in, head held high, _lest the blondeness of that impossibly puffed out ponytail fool anyone into thinking she is not in the top five percent of any given class of hers_. Double D had never thought much of Cindy before, but now that he dwelled on her and every scene of his life in which she had been involved, he supposed she was rather irritating.

The tardy bell chimed and the teacher requested their essays be passed up. Double D and Chiyo didn't miss a beat before getting theirs out. They exchanged one more glance before turning around to watch the prank unfold.

Cindy, looking none the wiser, opened up her satchel, only for a heap of shredded paper to fall out. She gaped, which turned angry in a hurry. She searched through her satchel with reckless abandon, causing more to paper to fall and collect on the floor. It was beginning to get people's attention. Cindy made a string of indignant noises. Someone snickered.

Chiyo desperately held in her giggles, failing adorably. Double D looked from her to Cindy, who whined incoherently. Double D felt a smile tug at his face and a warmth tug at his insides. He wasn't sure about Eddy's plans for the long term, but they might provide some righteous entertainment for now.

---

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Courtyard**

**Friday, October 11****th**

**12:05 P.M.**

It's too bright for high school… or October, for that matter. I thought October was autumn, not summer or whatever. I figure I should walk slowly; now that our lunch group has expanded like a tumor or something, somebody may want to try to get my attention. Hm… I wonder if Mom'll get pissed that I'm dragging my blazer all over the cement. _Eddy, this costs money, or something, I'm not made of money, bla bla, cliche' motherly rantbla._ I wonder why they call it a courtYARD. Hey, that asshole just tripped on my blazer! And swore! "HEY, WATCH IT!" That'll teach him, if he doesn't come and beat me up or something. Huh. He should watch where he's going. But I guess he shouldn't be thinking that people drag their clothes around. Maybe I shouldn't blame him... Too late, I already yelled at him.

Holy crap.

Would I like myself if I were someone else?

_Huh_.

Oh, think about that later, beeping phone equals message! Someone wants to send me one, wonder if it's a girl-!

**555-1666: Answer ur phon**

…Ugh…! Him…! Ha ha. Ha. Yeah. I'll answer my "phon", when I find out what that is. Or when you learn to text like a normal human being, whichever comes first. Tonto.

"Eddy!" Sounds like a nerd's voice! Double D? Oh, no, it's… I vaguely know him maybe but I don't think so nope never mind. He's blonde. I don't know many blondes, they tend to be more popular, don't they? Wait, big ears, nothing particularly attractive about him, false alarm.

"Hey, you had that ad in the comic book store?"

"Maybe."

"Because I'm interested."

"Then yes… what's your name?"

"I'm Ron. Ron Stoppable."

"That's one hell of a last name!" I took out my trusty-rusty Post-it-pad.

"Yeah, yeah, heard it before."

He looked kinda stressed. Poor soul needed a little guidance and pranking. "So how may we be of service?"

"Well… there's this asshole…" He paused and ran his hand through his hair. I think he was trying to figure out how to say it. I could've been mean to him but I didn't really want to lose a customer. Customer equals cash. He said, "My best friend, she was totally screwed over by this jock she dated for a while. He posted naked pictures of her. In the school." His voice lowered when he said that. He looked disgusted.

"What an asshole," Damn I'm good at this! OH, wait a second… "Hey, was that… just a week or so ago?"

"Yes. Anyway, I'll give you his name and when he practices."

"And what will you be ordering today?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry, I got really upset, I didn't have a chance to look at your menu. What's on it?"

"Well…." I didn't think I would have to have it memorized yet. Maybe it's in my… pocket… "Uh, what kind of thing are you interested in? Like, something bad or-"

"Yeah, something bad! Something really bad!"

"Oh! Then we have just the thing!" I remember this one. It's one of my favorites. They're all my favorites, though. "Do you like Mexican food?"

"I love Mexican food!"

"Then we have a nice Seven Layer Dip for you! It has-"

"Listen, I can't stay, I don't know what it is, but make it happen, alright?"

He seemed guilty. Must've been new to this whole rebelling thing. "Sure, sure. That'll be thirty dollars. Need half up front."

"Sure, sure."

Caaaaaaash… "Thank you. We'll contact you afterwards with a full report. And a video URL of the whole thing."

This made him really happy, but his smile faltered a bit. "Whoa. Wow! Thanks." He walked away.

---

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Room 4-210**

**Friday, October 11****th**

**12:15 P.M.**

"I don't think we're allowed to be in a classroom unsupervised!" Chiyo squeaked.

"Pshaw. It's unsupervised half the time." Eddy replied. He threw his blazer on Kakashi's desk and slouched in his teacher's wheelie chair, making himself perfectly comfortable.

"This room isn't very private," Tomo said.

"That's what you get when you share a classroom with a bunch of tightly-pantsed skaters."

"We can totally hear you," Kud said. He and his group were only sitting two rows from the teacher's desk, under a thick, black, lab table. Yes, they were sitting _under _the table. Do you have a problem with that?

"I totally realize that," Eddy put his feet up on an attendance book.

"We should make them leave!" Tomo balled up her hands into fists.

"We can still totally hear y-"

"No, let's just get our own special headquarters!" Kagura said, jumping over to where Tomo was standing next to Eddy.

Osaka stood straight off to the side. "We should use the little grassy area in the middle of the bus loop. That means it's in the middle of where all the busses come and go."

Double D looked worried. "It's high traffic around there in the morning and around dismissal time."

Yomi added, "And even when that isn't the case, we're not allowed there."

"Yeah, but see, the high traffic is why we should go there!" Osaka conveniently ignored Yomi's comment. "It's like a moat. But with busses."

Double D reiterated, "But it's _unsafe_. We would have to go in and out of the loop as well."

Osaka paused in thought, but neither emotion nor recognition appeared on her face. "Maybe we should… build a tunnel! Then it will be really secret!"

"Except for the fact that we're entirely visible," Yomi said.

"Not when the busses are there!"

"There are people on the buses!"

"There are cockroaches on mine!!" Ed happily stated.

Sakaki had chosen a seat at a desk a ways away. She muttered, "I hate cockroaches."

Eddy's phone rang, and he was more than happy to pick it up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, hi, I saw your ad in Vasquez Plaza."

"Hang on one second," Eddy took the phone away from his mouth, looked at Ed and Double D, and pointed to the phone wildly, mouthing "_Another customer ohmygod we're gonna be rich!!_" Then he put it back to his mouth. "Really? And you're interested?"

"My name is Rogue. I'd like one order of Chef's Special." Eddy could tell by her tone that she was one of those people who always seemed a little pissed off. She also had a very slight Southern accent. "Do you know Scott Summers and Jean Grey?"

"Yeah, I do, they're only like, the _prettiest_ couple in the school…" Eddy made his voice high and feminine for 'prettiest'. "And by that I mean, yeah, I know who they are, but no, I don't know them personally because honestly I'm not far up on the totem pole." He paused, then snorted with laughter. "Why, you want to ruin their lives like everyone else who _aren't _Scott and Jean?"

Rogue huffed. "Aren't you supposed to be asking me questions about my order?! Remember that little detail? How I'm a customer?"

"Have you given any thought as to what type of meat you'll be wanting in your salad?"

"What?"

"It's a restaurant theme, girl…" He turned away from the other people and lowered his voice. "I mean, do you know what rumor you want me to spread?"

"A pregnancy rumor."

Eddy whistled. "That is some high fat meat! Pretty damn rich! Are you sure?"

"Everything in moderation."

"You're catching on!" She totally wasn't, but she was ready to pay. "Good! That'll be fifteen dollars. Half up front. Half after the food is ready to eat."

"I'll see you after school at the post office."

"Awesome, great choice, that's where the junkies hang out."

"Whatever."

"Thank you for doing business with us." He hung up and smiled at Tomo. "Partner, we're on fire!"

"Did you just call me partner? Like in a Western?!" Tomo was grinning from ear to ear and her hands were balled up in excited fists.

Ed laughed. "RIDE 'EM IN, RAWHIDE!" He giggled. "You need a Indian guy to ride with you, Eddy. TONTO!"

Eddy's smile briefly turned into a scowl. "Ew, don't talk about Tonto."

"If you don't mind my asking…" Sage walked up to Eddy with his sandwich in one hand. "What the fuck have you been talking about for the past… whole lunch hour?"

"Obviously, I was talking about FOOD!" Eddy patted him on the head (even though Eddy was quite short). "Silly emo! Emos don't want to hear about food!" Then he laughed fake-heartily with Tomo and Ed (both of whom probably didn't get the joke).

"But I am eating something. I'm eating a sandwich. Hello? Stop laughing at me. I'm totally eating." He paused, but they didn't stop laughing. "You're going to have to listen to people if you want to learn how to spread rumors, you know…"


	8. With Apologies to the Coen Brothers

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons within.**

**Okay, so I might have taken a few liberties with Josh Mankey. This is just my take on him. I was never into _Kim Possible_. I needed a jock. He sounds like a jock! He really _should_ be a jock! My car broke down! IT WASN'T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!**

**Wait... yeah, it was.**

**Tell me one of the _Fargo _references/quotes I used in this chapter and win a prize (AKA chapter preview. Very exciting, yes?).**

**...**

**Oh hell, just tell me you SAW _Fargo_ and you get a chapter preview.**

**---**

**1925 HAZUMI DRIVE**

**Front Yard**

**Saturday, October 12****th**

**9:40 P.M.**

"So this is what a jock party looks like??" Eddy's grin showed his molars.

Kagura nodded. "From the outside."

"And you've been to how many of these?"

"Four or five."

"How wack!"

In a little horizontal line stood Kagura, Eddy, Tomo, Double D, Ed, and Yomi.

Eddy rubbed his hands together. "Now, Kagura, again, where are we to find Kim Possible's camera-happy, horny ex?"

"Josh Mankey, captain of the boys' lacrosse team, is known for getting wasted at every party and passing out after about an hour. He's also always one of the first to show up. The party started at about nine, so he should be just right for _special guidance_ now."

"You did your homework!" Eddy praised her. "So, by the way, what's Josh Mankey look like, anyway?"

Kagura inhaled, paused in thought, exhaled loudly. Shrugged. "Cute."

"Okay. Cute. I don't know what that is. Cute in what kind of way?"

"Oh, just in a general kinda way."

"Whatever," Eddy forget about that and smirked. "Let's cook up some Seven Layer Dip!"

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Pool**

**Saturday, October 12****th**

**10:31 P.M.**

"I'm so vital. This feels so good. MY self-esteem is high as the sky right now!" Kagura rambled on.

"I still came up with the plan!" Eddy felt the need to say.

"Please, please, _please_ keep your voices _dooowwwn_," Double D hissed, desperation showing in his expression, body language, and aura. He knew how futile his request was.

Tomo, Yomi, and Ed guided a very drunk, blindfolded, gagged Josh Mankey across campus. Eddy and Kagura were at the front of their group with flashlights, and Double D was keeping watch from the back.

Double D glanced back and forth, as if he expected lions, tigers, and bears to materialize in the half a second a full head-turnaround would have taken. "Eddy, I'm past curfew!! I've never been out past curfew. Can we please hurry? You said this whole thing would be done by ten thirty. That's when I told my parents I'd be home. They are no doubt expecting-"

"Keep your voice dowwwwwnnn," Eddy hissed in response.

"This leash was an awesome idea!" Tomo said as she gave Josh a tug. He was trying to look around in his drunkenness, in hope of maybe regaining his vision despite the _blindfold on his head_. "Thanks goes to Chiyo-chan, as she could not be here tonight… as she is a goody two-shoes."

They reached the old white gates that let people into the pool. Kagura sang a self-esteem song to herself as she brandished the spare key she "borrowed" from her swim coach. Still humming off-key, she inserted into the lock.

_Click._

It didn't open. The humming paused. She took they out and reinserted it, making sure she got it right. Click. No opening.

Double bit his fingernails. Eddy stared accusingly.

_Clicka-click._

Kagura huffed, as if it was the door's fault. Without turning to the others, she raised a hand to _say It's okay, I got it, I got it, just hold on_. She tensed her pose, as if to say to the lock, _This is it!_ She stuck the key in again. Now violently, _CLICKACLICKACLICKACLICKACLICKACLICKA_.

A painfully long pause. Then, "Things have changed, Eddy, beyond the… uh, acts of God."

"… The heck do ya mean?"

"Uh, this might be the wrong keyyyy…" She turned around, guilt welling up in tears in her eyes.

"Can you move away from the gate, please…" Eddy's voice was monotone.

"What-"

"MOVEFRMMMTHEGAAAATE."

"Volume!" Double D hissed, checking his watch for the sixteenth time that night.

"Hey, Ed?"

Ed waved at Eddy, even though they were only a few feet away. "Yah, Eddy?"

"How's Josh?"

"…Who's Josh?"

"What the- fu- who's Josh-… THAT GUY WITH THE LEASH. RIGHT THERE. The one who's trying to tell you to let him go by telling you about how many points he scored in his last game."

"Oh."

"Let Yomi and Tomo hold him. Come here."

Ed stood next to him.

"See the white gate? Charge into it. As hard as you can. That gate is not of this planet. He wants to hurt you, Ed. HE WANTS TO HURT ME, ED! STOP HIM! _CHARGE!_"

Ed ran full force into the gate and it broke open.

Eddy brought his fist up in celebration.

"Did I do good, Eddy?" Ed's face was red.

"GREAT JOB, Ed. You totally saved my hide. Tomo, Yomi, bring him in!" No Josh moved into the gate. "Girls?"

"HE'S ON THE MOVE!" Tomo and Yomi took after their running drunkard.

"WHAT? YOU LOST OUR UNDERAGE DRINKER?!" Double D jumped up and down in fear. "PLEASE RETRIEVE HIM!"

They all took off after him, except Double D, who began to run, but stopped after two steps. And Ed was lying on the ground.

"Blood has been shed, Double D."

---

"Well, I'm officially a half hour past curfew, Eddy," Double D said.

Eddy didn't even look back towards him. The odd group shuffled along the streets of one of their neighborhoods.

"I have never in my life come home even a minute past curfew."

Eddy whistled to himself and looked around.

"Indeed. This will be my last late night mission."

Eddy spoke. Not to Double D. "That was an adventure. I think I want that removed from the menu… Double D, you get that? Can we make new copies? I don't want Seven Layer Dip on the menu anymore… Double D?"

"I'll get right on that, Eddy. Right on that."

"See that you do… I need to sleep over at your house tonight… Ed too… oh yeah, good job tonight, team!!"

Yomi halfheartedly put her fist up, then let it drop.

"I'm still really, really sorry about the key thing," Kagura sniffed. "But that was kinda fun."

"We didn't get him in the pool, you know!" Tomo laughed.

Kagura snickered. "His pants fell down. He reached the same street where the party was." She lost it. "And then his _pants_. Fell _down_. HA! Whoa daddy!"

Even Yomi cracked a smile. "That'll teach this generation's males who yank their pants down before leaving the house every day."

Double D was resisting a smile and failing.

Tomo stopped laughing and looked at her hand. "I need unguent."

"Yeah, that chase got kind of out of hand…" Eddy mumbled. "Sorry, I guess."

Ed was just looking around the suburban street, confusion furrowing his brow. "Where's… pancakes' house?"

---

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Courtyard**

**Monday, October 14****th**

**8:10 A.M.**

The punky girl with purple hair and purple leggings sticking out from under her skirt clutched her electric guitar. She was not the only kid in the school to be constantly carrying an instrument, but she was the only girl to carry around an _electric_ guitar. "Hey, Ami, you know that couple Scott and Jean?"

"Of course!" answered her pink-haired friend. "Pep Club and Yearbook got so many nominations for them being 'cutest couple'."

"They're really annoying."

"Aw, Yumi, them too? Why?"

"Just for that."

"Oh, yeah, I totally agree," Eddy walked up to where they were sitting at a blue plastic picnic table. Double D, looking put upon followed and clasped his hands behind his back. "For different reasons, though."

"Hah! I knew there was another reason to hate them!" Yumi said.

"Why do you hate them?" Ami added.

"Well, you know… various reasons… they're a sickeningly cute couple… they're sooo preppy… the economy…"

"The economy?" Ami asked in disbelief.

Yumi scowled. "You're weird. Go away."

Eddy began to walk away.

Double D turned to leave, but quickly said "Teen mothers live on welfare, which equals taxes. Pass it on."

He was gone before he could see their eyes widen and hear their simultaneous "Oh snap!!"

**MIYAZAKI MIGH SCHOOL**

**Girls' Locker Room**

**Monday, October 14****th**

**Period 4**

**11:57 A.M.**

"Jean missed martial arts club again," Juniper Lee, captain of the girls' martial arts team said as she fixed the single, purposefully placed pink curl in her black hair.

"She was probably with Scott," Piper, another prominent member of said team conceded, as she made sure her blue-black hair was ridiculously spiky.

Kagura adjusted her bra in the mirror next to them. "My friend said he saw her in the pharmacy…"

"…And?" Piper asked.

"She was buying a ton of candy."

"…"

"And a pregnancy test."

Two gasp-laughs.

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Girls Bathroom, Third Floor, First Hallway**

**Monday, October 14th**

**12:35 P.M.**

"Forgive me, anybody, somebody, for I have sinned…" Yomi murmured to herself with an eyebrow raised and voice dripping with cynicism. She wrote _Jean + Scott had sex with no condom!! _on the wall with a red Sharpie, the squeaks echoing off the depressingly empty tiles lining the room.

* * *


	9. Stay Calm and Carry On

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters used within.**

**This chapter is quite mediocre. It was supposed to work out more like a montage... or something. I dunno. It just wasn't supposed to turn out quite like this. Especially the last scene.** **Whatevs.**

---

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL **

**Outside the Locker Rooms**

**Tuesday, October 15th**

**9:30 A.M.**

"Hi, Double D!" Sam said.

Double D's crooked grin spread across his face. "Good morning!" He had been distracted lately by new drama in his life and hadn't lately been able to enjoy walks to second hour.

After a minute or so of satirically chatting about the weather, Sam asked, "Hey, there's this girl in my English class named Rogue. She's sort of gothic. She was saying that she liked you and your friends."

"Oh, really?"

"Something about how much she appreciates what you guys have done for her."

"… Oh… um, interesting. Why do you bring it up?"

They stopped in front of Double D's Honors Chemistry class. Sam shrugged and smiled, making Double D's innards glow. "I just never hear Rogue ever say she likes anybody. You guys must have done something nice for her, which is pretty cool. See ya!"

Double D stared at her red hair leave for a minute until the tardy bell rang.

---

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Architecture Classroom **

**Tuesday, October 15****th**

**11:31 A.M.**

"I haaaate hammerrrrrs," Eddy whined.

"Don't screw around, you screw around too much…" mumbled the incompetent architecture teacher. He dug around in his tool box for some band-aids.

Eddy chose the architecture class because sometimes they would actually leave the school building to go work on projects right outside the school. Like today – they were working to fix up an abandoned farm shed. This was productive, creative, hands-on learning, but to Eddy it was a way to get outside for better cell phone reception.

The teacher finally pulled out the bent box of adhesive medical strips just as Eddy's phone vibrated. "Okay, now let's see that hammered thumb…"

Eddy used his other hand to snatch the band-aid. "Adults say I should be more independent. I'll go bleed over there. Live with it on your conscience." He ran over to one side of the abandoned shed.

**TOMO: Sum kid just said thx r the prank. Satisfied cus2mer!**

Eddy started to text an answer back, but stopped because his thumb hurt. He got up to put the band-aid on, because band-aids fix everything, when a piece of tarpaper from the kids working on the roof fell on his head. "OOH, WATCH IT!"

"My apologies!" The heinously nasal voice said. When he leaned over the top, it turned to be a very huge head belonging to a class genius named Mandark. "Oh, hey, you're Eddy, correct?"

"Maybe," Eddy rubbed his head. "What's it to ya?"

Mandark looked around to see if anyone else was listening. He leaned over a little more, began to speak, almost lost his balance, regained it, and spoke again, this time whispering. "In the rather large group of peers who are typically associated with my social group, you're an idol."

"… Wait, whoa, really? Me, an idol? Hey, yeah…"

"We admire you for your 'business'. It's a way for us to have a say in our treatment." Mandark's glasses seemed to smile with his mouth as he leaned his whole torso off side of the roof. "Ever since that Josh M-"

"Hey! Ssh! No names!" Eddy hushed him. "If popular kids find out, I don't know what would happen. But thanks! Yeah, that's what the business is for." Eddy smiled. He went back over to actually earn his daily participation grade to maintain his C-average, so proud he didn't notice Mandark's falling off and the teacher's grumble/shout/exclamation of "You screw around too much!!"

---

**BUZZ FILL COFFEESHOP**

**Wednesday, October 16****th**

**3:34 P.M.**

Eddy, Ed, Double D, Sakaki, Chiyo, Kagura, Tomo, Osaka, and Yomi had pushed three tables together way in the back corner of the new coffeeshop, much to the chagrin of the over-caffeinated customers in the coffeeshop.

Eddy read off the list that Double D had typed for him on one of the computers in the school library. "We have the following assignments on our plate. Heh… get it? Our plate?"

Silence. (Awkward.)

"Whatsamatter, did you all die on the way over?… Anyways… the first customer on the list is Ulrich SomethingForeign. He wants revenge on this cool boy named William IDon'tRemember for troubling this girl they both like named Yumi SomethingDifferentlyForeign. Jealous much?

"There's this extremely hot girl who takes my World History class and supposedly is a foreign exchange student. The school won't tell us from where. Anyways, she seems like a nice girl. Which is odd, considering she wants us to ruin the life of her older sister who is known around here and to her group of clubbing drugatics as Blackfire, who is also absurdly hot in a totally different way. Supposedly her older sister is a bitch. My words, not hers.

"And lastly, I have gotten three separate reports since our business was _erecteeeed-uh_, erected, heh. Oh sorry. I've gotten three separate reports about this gang of mean freakish older boys who call themselves the Brotherhood.

"Now! We are taking on some higher level orders here. We have taken on Populars, but not Badass Populars like Blackfire and William. Badass Populars are just like Populars, except they dress in darker clothes and aren't as afraid of expulsion if they beat us up. Plus we've never taken on a group. Are we ready?"

"Wait," Yomi said.

"Oh, it would be you," Eddy said.

"What?" Yomi's eyes flashed, but she shook her head and moved on. "I know who you're talking about with the Brotherhood or whatever they're called. I take Psychology with one of them, Lance Alvers. He seems okay. Really. Maybe he was rude a couple times. He was quiet… in a possibly psychotic fashion… but you know, so is Osaka."

"Huh?" Osaka was people-watching and smiling gleefully, but turned back to her group upon hearing her name. She wasn't smiling at anything in particular, just life in general. Osaka was just a happy creature. "What?"

"And we're not about to play some horrible prank on Osaka and every other occasionally abrasive loner."

"Wait, what now?!" Osaka's smile disappeared.

Eddy didn't really have a good response to this. "Uh, well, I already said we'd do it."

And Yomi didn't have a response to that. "I guess we can try it."

"And we'll see what happens. If something bad happens, then it'll be like, you know, lesson learned?" Eddy forced a smile. He wasn't totally convinced himself, and was waiting for Yomi to confirm it.

"Is that the same approach you used for the idea of this whole business? Is that how you handle everything?"

After she said it, there was a silence while everyone comprehended what she said, then turned to Eddy to see what he'd say.

He opened his mouth, ready to say something, because as usual, his mouth functioned before his brain. But he hadn't even had an initial response. He closed his mouth, scowled, then opened it again. "Maybe it is. Maybe that's how I react to everything. That's _my_ problem, though. But right now we have customers that want a little relief in their generally miserable lives. Are you gonna deny them that and instead choose to be an overnanalyzing, Freudian bitch?"

Now she just look bothered. "No."

"WELL, GOOD, THEN let's get to it! The group meets up again some other time! Keep your cell phones on so I can tell you." Eddy got up and looked at the café's drink menu. "I really want something caffeinated!" He went over to the line while the others wordlessly gathered up their belongings. Then Eddy came back over. "Do any of you have money?"

"I have money," Yomi raised her hand.

"I don't want your money," Eddy adjusted his backpack. He was the first to walk out.


	10. And It Was Not Precisely Done

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**First and second scenes - third person point of view. The rest are in Eddy's.**

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Cafeteria**

**Friday, October 18****th**

**12:10 P.M.**

"This must be precisely done," Double D said. "So please keep talking to a minimum." He had a skateboard that he was positioning just right. Eddy would occasionally peek out from under the counters of the lunch line. It was fairly dark and cramped, enough that they hadn't been spotted despite Eddy's peeks, but not so much that they couldn't move.

"Not talking," Eddy couldn't resist. "Done talking. I won't talk anymore. Total silence." Double D shot him an attempt at a dirty look, which usually was sufficient entertainment to get Eddy to stop. Ed was being kept entertained by inspecting a frozen corn dog and trying to figure out the best way to eat it despite its hardness. Ed was always kept with them, for muscle in the event of a worst-case scenario.

Eddy stopped smirking to say, "Oh shit, wait, sorry, he's actually coming. Black boots, faded jeans. See him. See? Shit, he got his food fast!"

"Which one? That one-"

"The boots I said! Hurry! He's out of line! Ooh, he's got so much food with him-"

Double D gave the skateboard a hard shove out from under the counter. People still hadn't taken much notice of it. Until it slid under William's mobile feet and caused him to fall all the way back. Corn, a cookie, and spaghetti went flying. A brightly colored energy drink soaked William's shirt (which was, sadly, black). The tough-looking half-goth got up and brushed himself off, looking more confused than pissed.

Eddy was laughing, trying to silence himself, but managed to say "… Run for it!" He grabbed Double D and Ed and they ran off, not able to see William's semi-girlfriend Yumi get up to help him clean up, trying to quell her laughter, as Ulrich and everyone else in the cafeteria cracked up. William gave the skateboard a long look and then glanced around the cafeteria, as if looking for someone. He kicked it and it went whizzing off somewhere.

The Eds ran behind appliances, stoves, countertops, into the kitchen, around lunch ladies and out the kitchen back door to where the dumpsters were so they were free to laugh.

Double D stopped first. "Wait. Whose skateboard was that?"

"No one we knew. I found it in my garage."

"I wonder what conclusion William will come to."

Eddy waved it away. "Someone else's problem."

Ed was the only one still laughing.

**---**

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Girls' Locker Room**

**Friday, October 18****th**

**7:01 P.M.**

"I wonder what it's like to be a cheerleader that doesn't quite fit in with the other cheerleaders," Tomo wondered from one side of the locker room.

"And yet be even cooler for it," Yomi replied.

She and Tomo had walked into the locker room like it was perfectly normal to do so after most people were gone and you weren't on a sports team. Now they were milling around where their lockers were when they were in gym class. They were being totally ignored by the cheerleaders, who were all in a spirited little bunch on one side of the class, getting nice and peppy and glittery for the football game that night. Kim Possible, at the center of it, was happily gossiping with the other girls about what had happened to her ex Josh Mankey. Blackfire stood a few feet away, looking into her compact and flicking her black hair.

"She just looks like a bitch, huh?" Tomo said as she and Yomi took a minute to just stand and stare at the cheerleaders for a moment, confident that the obscenely popular girls would not even notice.

"It's funny that her sister asked us to do this particularly embarrassing prank, because her sister just looks like the exact opposite of anything remotely bitchy. With her big eyes and… big eyes."

"They're _both _pretty, though."

"There are all different types of pretty. For instance, there's exotic pretty girls, and sickly drugatic pretty girls, and most of these cheerleaders are a typical bubblegum-chewing blonde pretty. The type of pretty where we're totally beneath their notice." She thought. "I mean, Blackfire's not blonde, though, and she doesn't chew gum."

"What kind do you think Double D thinks you are?"

Yomi turned to Tomo. "Pardon?"

"Double D thinks you're pretty. I think he likes you. You should date him."

Yomi blushed and crossed her arms, turning back to the cheerleaders. "I'll date who I want. And I don't want a relationship right now. Oh, shut up, something's happening with the cheerbots!"

Kim and Blackfire had come to a stand-off. You could tell by their poses that Kim was on the offensive and Blackfire didn't care.

"What did you say about me and Josh?"

Blackfire shrugged and turned to her locker. "I'm just saying that it's smart not to gossip about others when they have equally dirty info on you."

"That's old news. Don't bring it up again."

"I'm just giving advice!" Blackfire faked being offended. "Not everything all girls say is catty, Kim." When she fiddled with the lock, she smiled and winked at Tomo and Yomi.

She opened it and out fell an opened jumbo box of condoms, "stimulating cream", a dildo, and just for kicks, jumbo tampons.

Blackfire's mouth dropped as she stared at the mess. She didn't look horrified quite yet, just mildly upset (she's too cool for that "losing it" shit).

There was a silence as the girls watched. Kim mumbled, "I didn't actually think _all_ the rumors about _that_ were true."

Yomi grabbed Tomo's hand and dragged her out, without looking at Blackfire's face.

---

**MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL**

**Gym**

**Friday, October 18****th**

**7:08 P.M.**

"I hate football," I really do hate football.

"I know, you've already told us," Double D said back to me. I know he meant that I had already said it… I forget how many times, but I _really _hate football. It's so boring. The only thing I really do like is the nasty tackles. Oh, there was one! The crowd cheered, Kagura jumped up, and I jumped up with her.

Double D made this face like someone had made him eat a donut full of grass jelly. "If you love violence so much, you won't mind my asking, why do you hate football?"

"Because I've been to enough games to know if you've seen one game, you've seen them all." I sat back down and put on my best bored face and posture just to let everyone know that I will never buy this whole school spirit spiel.

My phone vibrated and I whipped it out as fast as possible (oh shut up, I know about the sexual double meaning, that's the oldest one in the book). It's the one I had been waiting for from Tomo saying they were ready to leave.

I got up, only to turn around and almost collide with some little kid who was wider than he was tall and dressed up in some fruity little blue suit, with a tie and everything. Oh geez, he's got a freakin' well-dressed posse of ugly little kids. Someone put a plague of ugly children upon me. "Move."

"Hey, you're that guy who plays pranks on people for money, right?" He didn't have a kid's voice…

WHAT? "What?"

"When people are mean to you! I tell you what to do, and I pay you. Okay, here's what I want. I want-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I turn around to walk around the other way down the bleachers. There are more people, but it's better than dealing with this miniature nutjob.

"But I can pay you a lot of money!"

I REALLY should have kept lying. I REALLY should have kept playing dumb. But it's one of those cases where people already know the truth, and you could still fool them if you tried really hard, but just the fact that you have to do that throws you off, and instead of playing it safe and lying, the fucking best result your mouth and brain could make is, "We don't do business with little kids!" I gestured to Double D, who had missed the whole thing, and we made a run for it. Kagura likes football, so she looked disappointed, but I didn't give a crap.

We had one more prank that day. One more, and then the next day would be pure relaxation. Nothing to go wrong. Nothing out of the ordinary. And above all, for the first time in a while, nothing to throw me off my game.

---

**VASQUEZ PLAZA**

**Friday, October 18****th**

**9:30 P.M.**

My curfew was ten, but obviously I would simply be getting in later than that. Not a single other person in our group had such an early curfew! Even Double D had negotiated his way into something like ten thirty, just like Chiyo, who's younger than the rest of us! She's just such a good kid that she builds up these brownie points to get her way for just about anything. I could have those too. I haven't done anything! My parents apparently think that if I'm out in the big bad nighttime too long, I'll pick something life-ruining for a career choice and embarrass them just like my dear old brother did. It would be worth it just to embarrass my parents, and they were never the ones I was the most pissed off at.

Anyway! Enough of that useless rambling. We had found out that these big bullies the Brotherhood came to Vasquez Plaza most nights to just walk around and generally be scary. Maybe they do graffiti or drugs or something. Let's see, William was Sloppy Joe, Blackfire was Garbage Can Nachos, so the Brotherhood… right! Goat Cheese Pizza! Hee. I like that one. Simple, and while not the most horrifying, certainly the grossest. Good for just getting the point across that you should just stop whatever you're doing.

We were all sitting in an alleyway, with Tomo as the one searching for any sign of the Brotherhood. Yomi looked distracted. That might screw things up. So I asked her, "Yomi, are you with us tonight? You can be replaced tonight. If you can't work with us, you can't get your pay. That simple."

"I'm fine," she snapped. "I was just… thinking about something."

"Yeah, what?"

"Do you think maybe we always target the right people?"

"Explain!"

"I mean, I think the objective of your business means well. But I wonder if maybe in the process of 'getting back' at all the 'bad guys', you hit some of the good guys too."

Hmm. Plausible, plausible. "You mean like civilians getting shot at a bank robbery?"

"No, I mean, do you always know for sure if the people you're hired to hit are the bad ones?"

I thought about it. Really mulled it over. All for her sake. "You're really into these deep, annoying questions, aren't you?"

"Here they come!!" Tomo barged in.

Yomi got up and walked out into the alleyway, just in time to see the Brotherhood. She waved to Lance Alvers, who I knew was in their group. Much to my surprise, he looked very normal, if maybe a little eighties-ish. The others were freaks, though. Some toady-looking guy, a white-haired guy who looked like he was high on cocaine, and some HUMONGOUS dude who I've seen walking around school (when he chooses to attend) because frankly, how could you not? He had gotten rid of the Mohawk since the last time I was at an angle where I could see the top of his head.

Double D looked white at the sight of them. "Eddy, who's the catalyst in this mission?"

"Who's the what in what?"

"Who commits the main action? The actual handling of the goat feces."

"I'm not gonna touch goat shit!"

"Well, I already GOT IT for you!" Tomo whisper-shouted, but it was more like just plain talking. "That was bad enough, and it's somebody else's turn!" To make a point, she threw the bag down in the middle of our cramped circle in the alleyway.

"Um… um… maybe… I can do it…" Chiyo reached for it. But her eyes widened, and they started to WATER too, dammit! So we all just sort of ignored her, telepathically communicating the idea that there was no way we were gonna let her do it.

"Wait, is that goat shit?!" Osaka pointed to the bag. That also cinched the idea that we didn't want someone like her playing an important part in this either.

Ed grabbed the bag.

And that's even worse than Osaka!! I stumbled up. "NO! Ed, don't do it!"

Ed went fumbling out of the alleyway. He whipped around, his target becoming the Brotherhood. "THIS ONE'S FOR THE GOOOOAAAAATS!" He ran towards them.

The Brotherhood scattered, with the toady-looking guy ending up on the windowsill of a second story window. The white-haired guy somehow got about fifty feet down the street, and the big fat guy was too big and fat to "scatter".

Ed dug his hand deep into the bag, pushed past Yomi, and smashed goat poop all over the Lance guy's face.

The white-haired guy cracked up. I could hear him from down the street. Yomi's mouth dropped. The toad made random noises of surprise.

Lance didn't get pissed off and run away, ranting, like I thought he would, like other people who had been pranked. "Whoa! Hey! What the hell are you doing?" He actually didn't look that pissed at all. Yet.

Ed stood there, still in the throwing position, shocked with himself. "I'm doing something!"

"No kidding! Did you prank me because you think I'm an asshole? Are you one of those kids?"

Ed stared, still open-mouthed, still in a seemingly permanent state of having thrown something. Yomi had made an escape at some point.

"I LIKE what you do. I was gonna come to you. I don't know why you pranked me!" He started to look a little pissed now. He posture relaxed. He gestured lamely to the laughing white-haired guy. "I mean, he's more of an asshole… whatever."

I glanced sideways, long enough to see Kagura make a run for it and Chiyo desperately follow her. I also missed it when Ed got punched in the face, but I certainly heard it.

"Oh shit! ED!" I did a super cool slidy move with my feet out of the alleyway and went over to him. If the Brotherhood was still present, I don't know what I would have done. Probably beg.

He was lying on the ground, vaguely aware of the blood on his face. He actually _smiled_. God bless the lunkhead. He was smiling. "It's cool. And different colored than my usual snot." He looked up at Double D, who looked near puking. "Can it be purple next?!" He held his nose. "Ouch, though!"

Osaka joined us. "WOW. That was a plot… something. Not quite a twist. You know what I'm talking about, right? When-"

"Shut up," I snarled. I didn't mean to be so pissy at one of the girls, but this situation, last I had checked, was not cause for feeling good. "I'll fix this. We'll fix this."

Sakaki leaned over and handed Ed a packet of tissues, deliberately not looking at his face. She must have had the same fear of anything remotely scary like Double D. It also occurred to me then that I had completely forgotten Sakaki's presence, despite her significant height (and cleavage). She was just silent the whole time. Ew, I wonder how she stands it. But instead of asking her why she didn't talk, I just said, "You can go home now."

"What?" Tomo asked.

"I SAID I want you to go home."

"Me?"

"You and Osaka and Sakaki."

"What? Why?"

"'Cause I think it would be easier without you, go away!"

"Jeeeeeeez!" She muttered. I wasn't watching, but amazingly enough, I heard her turn around and dart off. Osaka followed her.

But Sakaki stayed.

Ed was bleeding all over himself, legs sprawled out as he sat on his butt. He smiled ignorantly, unfolding each tissue carefully on his lap. Somehow the more I looked at him smiling, the worse I felt. I started to give him direction on how to use the tissues. "What are you looking at?!" I shouted at Sakaki.

She shrugged.

"…Fair enough."

Double D, who had probably gone off to puke somewhere, made his way back over to help Ed up. "We should go home. Ed can stay at my house."

"Really? What about your parents?"

"I'll arrange things accordingly. I want to go home."

"Deal."

And then, without any more words, Double D grabbed Ed's sleeve and quickly led him off. I stood with my mouth open like a fish or something. I didn't expect Double D to just split after saying… that… he wanted to… oh wow, or maybe I should have. Whatever. I wasn't surprised, just kind of annoyingly numb. Nothing was going right. My brain gears weren't clicking, the math was wrong, the stars weren't aligned.

Sakaki looked down at me.

"I'm going home," I walked off one way, not really sure if it was the quickest way to get home.

"Feel better," She walked off in another direction.

Fuck me.


	11. We Are Therapists

**CENTRAL MALL**

**Saturday, October 19****th**

**7:45 P.M.**

Double D glanced around and rubbed his crossed arms. "Can we please hurry?! I think the mall closes at eight!"

"Picking out a good Halloween costume takes time, Double D!" Tomo stared back at the mirror, a mask in front of her face – it was now Paula Abdul. It was the thirty-sixth mask she tried on that night. "Consider yourself lucky we didn't drag you to thrift store to try to make our own costumes."

Double D made a noise through his teeth. "All the thrift stores I've been to are so unhygienic!" He reached into his pocket and took out a bottle of hand sanitizer, as if just the thought of germs gave him meningitis.

Eddy sat, fiddling with his cell phone, on a bench made of fake bones and skulls. His slouch was spectacular.

Yomi, in a black witch's robe and hat, came over to him and looked over his shoulder. "Who are you texting so much?"

He hid his cell phone and shot her a look. "No one. I'm looking through ring tones."

"If you boys are _that_ bored, you can just leave, and we'll stay here."

"Nooo… Ed's having fun," Eddy gestured to Ed, who was actually terrified and screaming as Osaka ran after him in a Richard Nixon mask. "I actually do need a costume." He plucked a blank white mask out of Tomo's hand. She made a noise of protest, but then followed Eddy as he got up and noisily clomped his sneakers over to a bargain rack of weapons. He looked them quickly over, then turned to Tomo. "Pick one for me."

"Any weapon?"

"Any at all."

Tomo grabbed a giant-size fairy princess wand. It was white and had pink tinsel on the end of it.

Kagura, with one mask on her face and another atop her head, made a huge show of laughing at Eddy's "weapon". Little Chiyo, dressed adorably like a pirate girl, only giggled.

Eddy inspected it. He smiled. "It will look cooler when I pull the fairy jizz off of it! Like a PVC pipe or something."

"Hey," An employee of the store was forcibly dressed like a vampire when they walked in, but now he popped out his teeth and took off his cape. He looked like a normal young adult going nowhere now. "Are you guys checking out or what? We have to close."

"Yeah, yeah," Eddy said as he led the way for everyone to file in a line. He turned around to see if everyone was on line. "Double D, what are you dressing up as?"

Double D was now the one texting, probably to his parents. His fingers moved as if it was just another keyboard for him. Without missing a beat, he replied to Eddy, "A 'badass' gangster."

Eddy laughed out loud at the notion, actually impressed by Double D's quick, out-of-character response. He was still laughing as he turned to the cashier. It was a goth girl with purple-striped tights, pale skin, and an cute face. She cocked her head to the side. "Is your name Eddy?"

"Yeah."

She nodded. "We have the same math class."

Eddy bit his lip and struggled to remember as he said, "Yeah, we do."

She looked behind him at the others. She inspected them closely, then nodded, thinking for a moment. She glanced over both shoulders and Eddy knew what was coming next. "Can I hire you guys for a prank?"

"Of course!"

"Great, great," She grabbed his hand and whipped out a little black thing with a silver tip. Eddy squirmed, sure she was going to slit his wrist and drink his blood, but then she pressed it to his hand. It was only a pen. "This is my number… give me yours." She moved the pen to her own hand. "I'll call you later."

"Thanks," Eddy gave her the number and got out of line when she rang him up.

He looked at the number on his palm. She left her name – Shareena_._ "Double D, can I crash at your place tonight?"

Double D stopped texting like a robot to look up at Eddy. "I don't think that's probable."

"Why?" Eddy shook his fairy jizz stick. "Your parents are out of town on business! They will be for like, the next three days."

"What? Your parents are out of town?" Kagura jumped up next to them. "We should have a party!"

"Noooooo!" Double D squealed. "No! My goodness! My parents trusted me enough to leave me alone! I cannot disappoint them!"

"Not a REAL party!" Kagura said. "Just all of us. Our business has been going so well lately, we should celebrate. YOU, my friend, are losing your innocence tonight!"

Double D's mouth dropped.

"But you can keep your virginity."

Double D looked a little less horrified, but still remotely so. "But… but… what do you...? I can't, my parents-!"

"But we gotta make a quick stop on the way. HEY TOMO!"

"YEAH!" Tomo shouted form across the store.

"WAIT… THIS CONVERSATION SHOULD BE DONE QUIETLY. C'MERE!"

Tomo darted over as Double D stepped closer to Kagura. "Kagura, my parents didn't want me having people over without-"

Kagura ignored him as she spoke to Tomo. "At the Quick Stop, which was the clerk that sold booze to us?"

"Randall," Tomo said.

Double D turned red. "Booze? You don't imply that-"

"You guys are done," Shareena said after she rang up Osaka.

"So I am sleeping over?" Eddy asked, checking his phone again as they all walked out.

"Oooh! Oooh! Me too!" Ed cut in.

Double D was in distress now. He grabbed his head in frustration and ended up whacking his skull with his cell phone. "What? Nooo-!"

---

**DOUBLE D'S HOUSE**

**Saturday, October 19****th**

**8:46 PM**

Double D slid from the wall to the floor. "Horrible idea. Horrible idea."

"Hey, lighten up! You might think its fun. Besides, you'd have to do it at some point. Might as well be with friends you trust." Eddy searched Double D's pale face for some sign of being convinced. Nothing showed but worry. "Come on, Double D. Even I've drank before. Even Ed has before." Nothing. "Ed's actually gotten totally drunk before."

Double D looked up Eddy in surprise. "When did this occur?"

Eddy sat up on the counter top of Double D's freakishly neat, generally silver-colored kitchen. "A few months ago, I guess. Ed thought it was cream soda in his parents' liquor cabinet. He thought they had a special cabinet for awesome sodas."

Ed nodded eagerly. "They had no bubbles! I'm scared of the soda bubbles, Double D. And uh… uhh.. I thought it wouldn't burn my mouth. 'Cause no bubbles! But it did burn!"

Double D gave Ed one of those looks. "Why didn't you _stop_? No, never mind. I don't think you know the answer." Double D sat down and worry came over again. If you were looking at him, you could almost see the wave washing over him. It was a sensation now familiar to Double D.

Eddy's phone audibly vibrated from where he was sitting on the countertop.

Double D was so distracted, he only then noticed that. "Please don't sit on the counter tops. That's many shades of inappropriate. Also, how many times have you been texted or called tonight?"

Eddy got off the counter and started snooping in all the drawers. "Dunno."

"Who is trying so hard to contact you?"

"Dunno."

"…Are you avoiding your brother again?"

"Can you honestly blame me?!"

Ed's head whipped back and forth between the two, recognizing that something was wrong and actually knowing the situation quite well, but unable to think of what to say to fix it.

Eddy continued. "You've seen his band members. Total serial killers."

Double D was standing at this point, but he and Eddy were still across the room. "You know they're not serial killers."

"Rapists, then."

"Please."

"Well, they're creepers!!"

"Ring ring!!" Ed blurted.

They both looked at him.

Ed looked at them (he's a little cockeyed, so he could actually accomplish this). "Uhhhhhh…. Someone's at the door!"

"You get that," Eddy said, taking his phone out. "I'm gonna turn this thing off."

Double D opened his front door. "Wow, there actually was someone here."

As Double D greeted the girls at the door, Eddy fired off a very quick text to his parents that he was sleeping at Double D's house. He didn't even glance at his inbox or voice mails, and he didn't wait for a response before turning it off.

"Sorry we took so long!!" Tomo burst in with a couple paper bags. "The usual clerk wasn't there, and it took A LOT of badgering before we got this one to, you know, break the law for our sake and stuff."

"Do you have any sodas?" Kagura asked. She was making her way over to Double D's pantry.

"Or pop?" Osaka asked. "I hear it's similar."

Eddy laughed at Osaka. Double D walked calmly over to his kitchen table and sat/collapsed in the uncomfortable-looking chair.

"Pop and soda are the same thing," Yomi said as she took a seat next to Double D.

Osaka stared for a second. "WHAT?"

"You didn't know that?"

"I… I guess I did… but I always pictured them… different, you know?"

"Do you drink beer or what?" Tomo started fishing through the paper bags.

"What about lemons? Got any lemons?" Kagura shouted to Double D.

"I always pictured soda as being brown… or maybe tan…" Osaka looked up at the plain white ceiling light in thought.

"Hey, look, your parents do have a liquor cabinet thing!" Tomo bounded over to the side of the pantry.

"I hate to trouble you, but may I please have some water?" Chiyo asked (adorably!).

"It's locked… that sucks!" Tomo again.

"I can get it myself. Where are your cups?" Chiyo again.

"And when you say _pop_, I think the color's more weird, you know? Pink or purple or something." Osaka again.

"It's okay, Double D, I found the water glasses! I got it!"

"'More weird' is bad grammar. Say 'weirder'." Yomi now.

Osaka pressed a hand to her forehead, as if SHE was the one thinking _These people, I swear!_ "No, no, see… again, they mean different things, I thought they meant different things, like when you say 'weirder' I picture something different than 'more weird' stuff."

"I mean, it's REALLY locked!!"

"Oh no, I dropped my glass of water! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!! I'll mop it up myself! Where's the mop?" Chiyo was pretty much weeping.

Yomi looked Double D up and down. "To their credit, you actually do look sort of like you need a drink."

---

**DOUBLE D'S HOUSE**

**Saturday, October 19****th**

**No one is paying attention, but it's about 10 PM**

"Hey, where'd your phone go? It's been ringing all day, and now it's just GONE!" Tomo looked Eddy up and down.

"I don't CARE where my phone went!" Eddy was talking slower than he normally did. He sat back slowly and put his feet up on Double D's coffee table. Kagura, Tomo, and Osaka gathered around him like a sage at a campfire, or some metaphor like that… "You know what? I've decided… just now… not to care. Anymore. I don't care what my family does."

"You care about your family? Or, I mean, you did? Why?" Kagura's cheeks were a little flushed. She was on her third beer. "I haven't cared in YEARS!"

"I don't care about any of them. Not anymore. Weren't you listening?"

She squinted. "Whaaaat?"

"We're just curious! Curious, that's all!" Tomo was really worked up. Just saying this made her gesture enough to knock over a lamp. "About your brother." She stopped.

"What ABOUT my brother? What brother?"

Kagura stared at him intently. "Your brother. You seem to really hate him."

"I, I do. I do hate him! He's a fucking freak! HE ruined my life!" Cue drunken rage.

Kagura and Osaka looked at him calmly, but Tomo flinched a foot away when Eddy got up.

"He acted like such a freak in high school and he acts like such a freak now… it freaks my parents out. That's why they won't let me do anything!"

"But, but, but they DO!" Tomo insisted. "You're always out doing stuff."

"But I'm gonna be in so much trouble," Eddy said quietly.

"Why?!"

"'Cause…" He sat down and looked a little like he might cry. "'Cause the reason I came to Double D's tonight, you know… I didn't ask my parents' permission or anything. .. they woulda said no… there was supposed to be some family dinner tonight. A big get-together. With my brother and his creepy bandmates… 'cause they're actually getting successful now and my parents don't know when we'll get to see him again."

"Why couldn't you eat dinner with them?!" Tomo tried to drink out of an empty bottle, then just dropped it.

"Because they're creepers and I hate them."

They all stared back at him.

"Stop it! This is a stupid therapy session thing! Retarded!"

"Can I give you some advice?" Osaka raised her hand. "Please?"

"No!"

Osaka stood up. "This… seems like a really bad time in your life. But you know, there will be more good times. You got a long life ahead of you, with lots more bad times and lots more good times. And that's just life for ya." Osaka sat back down.

Eddy stared at her.

"What?"

"That actually makes me feel better."

She smiled. "No woman, no cry."


End file.
